Your relationships with others

How might my relationships change during recovery?

After a stem cell transplant, lots of people go through a period of relying on the help and support of others. Getting used to this lack of independence can feel tough, particularly if you can’t support others like you used to.

As you start your recovery, you might find that:

• people react to you differently
• the dynamics of your relationships with people change
• the roles and responsibilities within your family environment have shifted
• it’s more difficult to deal with other people’s problems during this time.

However you’re feeling, these types of experiences are completely normal and understandable.  

Partners and significant others

For some people, the stem cell transplant journey might strengthen their relationship as they support each other through tough times. That said, sometimes the stress and anxiety surrounding the experience of a blood cancer, blood disorder and stem cell transplant can put a strain on the relationship too.

If you feel concerned about your relationship with your partner and need some help, you can first have a chat with your medical team. They can help you get in touch with a counsellor who you can talk to, either with or without your partner.

Parents and guardians

If you have parents supporting you, even as an adult, remember they might be putting on a brave face too. You might find the dynamic between you returns to how it was when you were a child or teenager.

A lot of the time, they’ll probably feel very stressed and worried for you. This can make it more difficult to listen and to see your point of view, which might cause problems with communication and create arguments.

Make sure to tell them what you need and what you would like to happen, without causing confrontation. However, this goes both ways – if they want to offer support but insist on something you don’t agree with, try to see their point of view and suggest compromises.

For young adults

If you’ve had a stem cell transplant as a young adult, you might face challenges in your relationship with your parents. Especially if you’re living at home with them during recovery.

However, you might feel them becoming overprotective during your recovery. For example, they might:

• nag you to take your medicines
• stop you from going out in case you push yourself too far
• insist they come with you to check-ups and appointments.

If you find yourself arguing with them more often for these types of reasons, try to remember that communication breakdowns usually cause arguments. It’s important to understand how to negotiate, compromise and try to see their point of view.

Siblings

Whether you have a very close bond, or argue regularly, your transplant can really affect your relationship with your siblings.

For example, your siblings might feel:

• disappointed, frustrated or even angry they weren’t able to be your donor
• like they are unimportant and a little forgotten – especially if they’re young and other family members need to focus on you and your recovery
• generally sad, upset and worried to see you going through such big changes in your life.

Having a sibling stem cell donor

For people who get a sibling stem cell transplant, things might feel quite complicated. Your sibling donated their cells to help you, but their time spent in hospital might have come with a lot of different feelings. They might also feel under pressure.

If they donated their cells to you for a transplant which wasn’t successful, they might feel guilty or even responsible.

Friends

While you’re recovering from your transplant, it might feel hard to keep in contact with your friends. Remember, some friends will continue to support you and make you laugh, but others may find this more difficult.

There are lots of different reasons why relationships with friends might change or grow:

• In the early stages of recovery, you might not be able to spend much time with friends face-to-face due to concerns about getting an infection.
• Some friends might become a little awkward because they’re uncomfortable with the situation and worry about saying the wrong thing. If you notice this and feel OK doing it, try to encourage your friends to be open and to ask questions about things they don’t understand.
• It’s likely you’ll make new friends on your transplant journey. Friendships that grow out of shared experiences can offer support in ways that other friends and family might struggle with. For that reason, many people form deep, life-long friendships during their time in hospital and recovery.

Extended family

Some of us have big families including aunties, uncles, grandparents, cousins, step siblings, parents-in-law, close family friends and so on. It’s not always easy to keep up with everyone and let them all know how you’re getting on with your recovery.

It can feel difficult when so many people close to you are asking how things are going, especially if things aren’t going as well as you’d hoped. While it shows they care about you, it might eventually put a strain on how you feel about them and your relationships.

If you feel overwhelmed by how many people you need to keep informed, you could:

• ask them to make a group chat with each other to stay up to date with your recovery
• ask someone close to you to be the point of contact on your behalf, until you feel ready to speak to everyone individually
• write an online blog or use social media to share your experiences with them all.

Young children

If you have young children, grandchildren or other young relatives, it can feel hard to talk to them about stem cell transplants and life afterwards.

It’s best to try to explain what’s happening by using words and language they’ll understand. For more information, the Macmillan website has a page on talking to children and teenagers about cancer.